What Size Is Curvy? The Question That Started A Battle
Hi Musers. Welcome back to part 2 of my article, which reviews another review of a YouTube video. Are you lost yet? Not to worry, let me explain. Because I’m usually quite far behind on YouTube, I came across a video by Obese to Beast (OTB), an influencer I follow. He was reviewing a video by an influencer who claimed body positivity was toxic, so I’m going to weigh in on both the original poster’s comments and OTB’s. My main focus today is, what size is curvy?
If you haven’t read my thoughts on the first part of the video, please check them out first. If you’d also like to be clued up on everything that was said in the video I’m reviewing, I’ve got you covered:
All done? Great 😊
Let’s continue
At nine minutes, COCO says she gets that body positivity is meant for certain types of people. I agree; when it was set up, it was. However, I am fine with a mix of body shapes and sizes, even standard-size. What annoys me is when it becomes predominantly white, standard-size women. That negates the point.
Coco goes on to say that this makes her sad and that she’d love to be part of a supportive, inclusive space that exists to lift each other up. However, she also understands that maybe because she’s never lived life in a bigger body that body positivity isn’t the space for her.
I genuinely feel for her, and I believe that she does have body issues. I passionately support her right to express those issues. There’s one big problem, though. It’s like if a celebrity becomes involved with a charity or cause. I’m sure they do it with the best of intentions, but because they are such a big deal, their presence carries so much weight, if you’ll forgive the pun. So as soon as they appear, their opinion is the only one quoted in the media. It doesn’t matter that othersw founded the charity and were working their asses off already.
I sort of feel that as soon as standard-size women started appearing in the body positivity movement, then Instagram and Facebook and everything just seemed to switch to preferentially showing them. The result is fat, superfat, infinitifat, black, differently-abled and non-hourglass bodies being marginalised. That’s the very thing the body positivity movement was created to correct!!
It’s not Coco’s fault or anyone like her, but honestly, I struggle to see what the alternative is at this point unless Instagram changes its extremely biased algorithms. Based on what we’ve seen so far, though, I doubt it.
The Word Curvy
Ok, now we reach the central part of the video. Coco made this video because she posted a TikTok video about having curves and that she loves her fat. So far, so good; however, if you watch the video, you will see she is pretty thin. She may have been a little bit larger at times, but nobody would ever look at her as even overweight, much less fat, in my opinion. Believe me; I am certainly not a thin person hater; everybody’s body is beautiful, and I believe that.
Sadly, after posting this video, she received a torrent of abuse about her use of the word curvy people saying sarcastically, you’re not curvy, but ok. I can get why people get upset by things like that, but as I discussed earlier, comparing yourself and saying, “oh, how dare say that, my life is so much worse” I agree with OTB it’s not helpful. Plus, if you asked 100 people “what size is curvy?” You’d likely get 100 different answers. It’s so subjective.
My Life Is Worse. Why Are You Complaining?
Let me give you an example. You’ve living pretty much paycheck to paycheck. You are doing fine, but because you don’t have much in savings, a sudden expense like needing a new washing machine or getting your car repaired could be a genuine concern for you. You desperately want to save but don’t have enough income to allow it. This worries you a lot.
One day, you’re talking to a friend. You know they make more than you do and have far more disposable income. Lately, though, they’ve needed to do major renovations on their home. They paid for it in full out of their savings, and you wished you were in that position.
Then they confide in you how worried they are about money. The renovations have taken a considerable chunk out of their savings, and they’ll feel anxious about another potential disaster until they have built them back up. You might be feeling pretty damned ticked off here thinking how more secure they are financially and how you’d LOVE to be in their position. You’re probably making sympathetic noises while thinking, “yeah, yeah, cry me a river.”
These thoughts are natural, but we need to remember that just because we have it worse does not mean others in a better position are banned from expressing their worries. Everyone has a different threshold where they need to be to feel secure, and we do not get to judge them for that.
Bullying. Just No!
As well as agreeing with OTB about comparisons, I want to be very clear that bullying is never acceptable. It just isn’t; it’s nasty, it’s wrong, and it’s one of the worst parts of the Internet. People get to hide anonymously behind their computers and say anything they want, no matter how hateful. I bet a lot of these people would never dream of saying these things in public to someone’s face. They’re cowards and awful human beings, pure and simple.
I do understand their irritation. Coco, to me, is what Greg Doucette calls the 5%, a.k.a. the beautiful people. A beautiful face and a body that matches what women are supposed to look like, according to the beauty industry. However, I do try to catch myself when I feel this way. Our bodies are pretty much a spin of the wheel of fortune—genetics, demographics, race. Therefore, it is unfair to belittle and harass someone based on their “spin” as much as them doing it to us about ours.
Is Curvy BoPo Only?
Coco and OTB say that the word curvy seems to have been claimed by the body positivity community and that it now indicates women of a certain size. Even women who are a bit chubby rather than fat might get attacked for using it. Again though, what size is curvy??
Ok, I’m somebody who is pretty fat, and because of my distribution of that fat, I am very curvy. I will fight to the death with anyone who says I’m not. I disagree that any community gets to own a word or specify how it can be used, online or otherwise. You can disagree politely, kindly if you feel you have to. You can explain why someone else’s use of the word upsets you. You cannot decide to go online and bully others. It is so horrible and so wrong. Particularly as there is no official definition anywhere of what size is curvy.
I mean, come on, everyone, we have endured so much abuse ourselves in the past. We know how horrible it is to be attacked online because of how we look. The pioneering queer, black women who started the body positivity movement did not create the community just so that we could become the oppressors. Or at least I certainly hope they didn’t. IT horrifies and upsets me that anyone thinks this is ok.
Coco did not tag the video as body-positive anyway, so it’s none of your business. Even if she had, if you don’t like it, move on. Do not sit there and send mean comments and hateful comments. I’m going to say as a fat person, that is absolutely not ok. It’s horrible, and it’s one of the things that really bothered me about the BoPo community before I stopped following the hashtag. Please be aware I’m not condemning the whole community. Just one rather spiteful segment that needs to be rooted out.
OTB then mentions that there seems to be a targeted campaign on TikTok in particular. I don’t use TikTok, so I can’t comment. Apparently, there have been videos created by standard-size girls that recreate a video posted by a larger girl almost frame by frame. They then split the screen and show the comments posted on each. On the larger girl’s video, the comments are loving, supportive, and uplifting, but on the smaller girls, it’s mean, dismissive and disrespectful.
If the body positivity community thinks it is their duty to hang around TikTok and police peoples bodies and make sure that people below a specific size do not use body-positive words, then I’m sorry, but that’s pretty fucked up.
Have we got the shit end of the stick for decades? Sure! Do we get to fence off words and judge others and be mean? No. Just move on and leave them alone. In the words of OTB, “don’t be mean to anybody!”
Body Positivity Is Toxic
This is the point where Coco explain that her experience makes her believe body positivity is toxic. She points out that taking a core message of love and acceptance in the BoPo community and turning it around to attack other women and make them feel bad about themselves is toxic. No arguments from me. I just need you all to remember it’s always a tiny percentage of the community. These women do not speak for all of us.
Coco goes on to talk about the majority of the attacks being about the use of the word curvy. She points out she’s not part of the body positivity movement, so how was she supposed to know this word means different things there? She can’t! Again we cannot claim a word and say no one else is allowed to use it unless we say. If you feel particularly triggered, it’s OK to comment but do it politely!
OTB points out curvy means different things to different people. He also asks when we cross the line from standard-sized to curvy and from curvy to fat? When are we allowed to use the word? I understand what he’s saying, what size is curvy? There are no definite answers, but this part is a little bit more problematic for me.
It’s quite common for women to say, “oh, I feel so fat”, when they’re very slim and blatantly are not fat. I would still not condone shouting or being mean or abusive towards them, but I can understand the feelings of other plus-sized people. It’s irritating.
What Size Is Curvy? What Size Is Fat?
It’s ridiculous to have checkpoints or measurements. We don’t get to decide if you are X size or X hips and bust, then you’re curvy, and when you get to X, you can call yourself fat. Who gets to decide that? How would we decide? Weight is SO subjective, and what would be curvy in one country or culture would not be in another. Societal norms play a huge part. I guess we keep coming back to what I’ve said. If something triggers you, either leave the site or explain why you’re upset politely.
The final point for today is that Coco says she was told she couldn’t be curvy because you have to wear size 40 trousers to be curvy. What the actual fuck? Clearly, I missed the memo on that one. Can we all just take a breath, please, people? We are not the fat police, and we do not get to judge others. It sometimes gets overused, but please be kind!
That’s All For Now!
Wow, that was a long one, Musers, and we’re still only halfway through the video. I don’t want to overwhelm you, so like last time, I’ll pop another video in on Sunday and come back and hopefully finish discussing this video next Thursday. In the meantime, if you have thoughts that you’d like to share about the video, your opinion about what size is curvy, and my responses, please leave them in the comments 👇
