Today we’re going to talk about the dark side of social media and the damage it causes. There’s no doubt that social media has some fantastic benefits. It’s united people around the world, brought friends and family back together, given a voice to marginalised groups, and displayed human bodes in all their glory. It has shown is the world is not populated exclusively by straight, white, standard size, cis-gender, able-bodied individuals. It has also given me self-confidence, self-love and taught me that I do not need to be in a constant battle with my body. That I’m beautiful the way I am. That it is ok to be fat!! 

Under The Bridge

There is another side to it, though. The trolls are an obvious downside. I can only assume that they’re horrible human beings, juvenile little pricks, or people with serious self-esteem issues who do it feel better about themselves. I’m actually pretty lucky. In spite of the fact that I have this blog, post on Twitter, and have an Instagram account, the amount of hate I get is fairly low. Probably because I’m a minnow, and the trolls are focusing on the sharks. I do get some mean comments, though. Here’s a flavour for you:

• Piggy
• But I am superior, you cant be healthy and fat, choose one.
• Im sorry but fatphobia doesnt exist, you guys just cant seem to accept that its not society, its not genes, its your life choices for why you dont look good, are unhealthy, and will probably die very, very early, or worse yet, you will stress the medical system.
• Just eat a salad
• Horrible, but also preventable and solveable. By telling people to “be comfortable with it” you are condemning them to disease and an early death, this movement you support is evil.

Believe me, all that is mild! There are so many worse comments out there.

Perfection

The second major issue is the drive to be perfect. Anyone who has spent any time at all reading about my journey to body positivity knows that a huge part of my progress is thanks to the Instagram account and book of the wonderful Megan Jayne Crabbe, known as bodyposipanda. A few days ago, she posted an emotional video on her feed explaining she would be changing her feed name from bodiposipanda to her given name. That seems normal, so why was she emotional, you ask? Simple. Megan found body positivity as a way of recovering from anorexia. She learned that her body was beautiful without striving towards the “perfect” body. It’s not that simple, though. The drive for perfection, something which can be achieved by the way, is not so easily silenced.

In her video, Megan confessed that she became too committed to being the perfect influencer. To becoming a moral paragon and always posting the perfect post at the perfect time. It was exhausting and led to anxiety and panic attacks. My heart goes out to Megan, and I think more of her for this confession, not less.

Perfection Damages Us All 

The dark side of social media is that perfection damages all of us. It puts unreasonable pressure on us to make our posts and our lives seem perfect. It then causes envy, depression and anxiety in ourselves and others. Why aren’t our lives this perfect? How come we can’t finish gruelling workouts with just a rosy glow? Why does their house look like a show home and ours doesn’t? HOW DO THEY HAVE THEIR LIVES SO TOGETHER??

The answer? They don’t. No one does. But if all you have to do is have one tiny part of your home looking glorious, or cleverly edit your videos so that the “after” was filmed before the workout, or take images in a hot new restaurant that you saved up six months to be able to afford but act like you eat there all the time, then it’s easy to portray your life as effortlessly fabulous. Sunshine and rainbows 24/7.

The fact is no one’s life is actually like that. You see the highlights reel, the best bits. You don’t see images of a woman’s face that is blotchy from crying after a huge argument with her partner. There are no images of a living room looking like a bomb has hit it. You don’t know that someone took two hours putting their makeup on for that one perfect shot that they retook over twenty times. We need to remember that and give ourselves a break. 

Coping Is Underrated

I do post on social media, but I try to combat the unreality (is that a word?) of it by posting how I feel, warts and all. I post when I’m tired, when I’m sick, or feeling really fucking depressed. Yeah, I usually look nice, but that’s because I try to look good to make myself feel better, not to make strangers jealous. I am out there trying to spread the word that fat people are beautiful and sexy too. Pretty tights and earrings make me feel fabulous. It’s not false because I look that way every time I go into the office.

A lot of the world is just getting by right now, and it’s definitely what I’m doing. It’s ok for your life to be average. It’s what most people’s lives are like, that’s why it’s average! You are getting by, and that is awesome! You keep that shit up, ok? If we all embrace our ordinaryness, not only do we fight the dark side of social media, but we embrace the warrior we truly are inside.