Tarot Self Care Advice When Life Is 100% A Disaster
Hi Musers, sorry for the dramatic title but that’s how it feels and I’m explaining why I really need help. I’m going for tarot self care advice as that’s what my blog is covering at the moment but I’m looking after myself in other ways too. You might be wondering what’s happened, so let me take you through it.
Death
My mum is one of oldest of 10 children and one of her youngest sisters is named Claire, she will be 62 next week. Not young I grant you, but certainly not old nowadays. Last Saturday we got the awful news that her husband Stephen died suddenly in the night aged 60. This was completely out of the blue and he was one of the loveliest men you could ever hope to meet. As I am married I tried to imagine being in that position, having the love of your life snatched away from you with no warning whatsoever.
I couldn’t do it, or perhaps more honestly, I didn’t want to.
Illness
I think most would agree that is pretty awful, right? I’m not done though, nowhere near! Just two days later, my uncle was unable to wake up my grandma. Yes, my aunt’s mother! Luckily she is still alive but for a while it didn’t look good. Grandma is 91 and in reasonable health but she’s very tired. When the time comes, I will miss her but I’ll be ok with her passing. However she simply COULD NOT die two days after Claire’s husband. It’s too much for anyone to deal with. Happily, as I said, Grandma pulled through but it was an extremely stressful few days.
Mental Illness
Just before the death and grandma’s illness my husband Mike started to have trouble. I believe he has undiagnosed ASD, ADD or both and he’s on a looooong waiting list to have this confirmed. His conditions are causing him to struggle at work and that has set off his anxiety disorder. He’s been off work and incredibly anxious so I’ve been trying to support him, help him communicate with his boss and keep him calm.
I was having some success but yesterday there was a massive bombshell dropped by his family. I can’t specify what it was here but it is huge. He is suffering, I’m completely shell-shocked, and I can do nothing to make it any better. This kills me. Due to my traumatic childhood I always jump to solution mode and I get frustrated when I can’t fix something. This is just not something that can be fixed though so I have to deal with it and support Mike.
I’m sure you can image after all the other things, working 1.5 jobs, looking after the cats and the house, my physical, mental and emotional reserves are extremely low. I’m running on fumes right now.
Tarot Self Care Advice – Earth
I cannot break down now and I feel overwhelmed so I’ve been taking a little bit of time out to keep doing spreads. I find the ones Jenn posts to be illuminating and oddly soothing so I completed her elemental spreads. I covered Fire (Wands) and Air (Swords) in my last post, so today it’s Earth (Pentacles) and Water (Cups). I’m also going to throw in the WTF spread which appears at the end of the week. For an earth spread it could only be the Oak, Ash and Thorn deck by Three Threes Tarot.
Strength – Queen of Pentacles. This card is my significator as I have a very nurturing, homemaking personality. Loving and taking care of others comes naturally to me and I love being there for others. It’s good that I am like this at this times as it means I can be there and nurture Mike.
Challenge – I tend to struggle to solidify my financial and health based goals which can make my efforts a little scattered. I also tend to always put myself last which makes achieving my goals extremely difficult. Who else does this? Be honest!
Advice – The Sun reversed, Wheel of Fortune and Two of Wands. The Sun reversed has several meanings but I feel like I need to connect with my inner child and learn to have fun again! Life has been a slog recently and Mike and I need to try and spend time together just relaxing and having fun. The wheel shows that good and bad times come and go in their own time so I need to learn to roll with it.
The bad times are hard but I have survived hard times before. I need to remind myself that this too shall pass. I can make myself a little more comfortable by planning for the bad times in advance so I know I have a buffer. I am the Queen of lists and they give me a pleasant sense of order. I also need to schedule my time. I’ve started putting in gym trips, my tarot readings and journalling to help my mental health on my calendar. These appointments are non-negotiable which helps me do what I need to when things are chaotic.
Tarot Self Care Advice – Water
Lastly we have water / cups and I chose the Unfolding Path by Athene Noctua for this suit as I love the artwork for the cups suit in this deck.
Strength – Eight of Cups. I know when to cut my losses and walk away from something that isn’t serving me. This was a hard lesson to learn and so I won’t let go of it now. Sadly, nothing I’m dealing with right now is something I can or should walk away from. I will take it as a sign to not take on anything else right now though.
Challenge – Page of Cups. I’m allowing doubts to block my creativity and it can block up my emotions. I’m afraid of failure and rejection so I’m afraid to speak out, especially if my ideas are quirky or a stretch. I also tend to lock pain away, to the point that at a recent assessment, a psychiatrist was worried long term psychotherapy wouldn’t help me because I was so closed off.
Advice – The Emperor, Two of Swords and The Lovers. I’ll have less to fear if I embrace Emperor energy and establish and maintain boundaries. I agreed to visit my grandma today because my cousin was exposed to Covid. I knew I wasn;t up to it but sad yes anyway. I need to stop think of others first and state what I need. I must also not allow others to treat me badly or drain my energy.
There are lots of choices in life and I am terrified of choosing wrong. I need to stop letting fear paralyse me. The Two of Swords tells me I need to take off the blindfold, see things how they a really are, and make a choice. The Lovers tells me once my choice is made I need to commit to it in the same was I would with a relationship. I feel like this will help me achieve emotional stability and make progress towards my goals.
My Life Is A Mess – A WTF Spread Is Just What I Need!
When Jenn posted this spread she added a fifth card in the centre, a major arcana for what I’m facing.
Feeling – Two of Cups. I feel very much right now that Mike and I need to hold and help each other and draw strength from the loving, partnership we have built over the last 20 years. If your relationship is strong than you cling together in bad times rather than moving apart.
Find – Page of Pentacles. I have the opportunity to deepen our bond even further and find true love and companionship. We also need to make our relationship a priority and if necessary, schedule time to just be together.
Flailing – Knight of Wands. Sometimes I struggle to feel courageous and move with purpose. Instead of going after what I want, I hang back out of fear. I need to get clear on what I want and then I can plan how to get there.
Forgetting – Eight of Swords. I keep forgetting that my bonds are loose and I can escape whenever I want. I may feel afraid or unmotivated but it’s my choice to accept it and let it limit me.
Facing – The Empress. The Empress is the goddess of creation and abundance. This is the time to grow as a person and create my reality. I can and must heal and nurture myself as well as doing this for others. I need to embrace a spirit of abundance and begin to create my life according to my vision.
The Only Way Is Up….Right!?!
That’s all folks. I’m going to try to rest and get Mike through the next few days and bring him back to an even keel. I’ll see you all for another spread on Wednesday, take care til then.
