Loneliness – The Secret Pandemic That’s Destroying Lives
Few people would disagree that Covid-19 has had a massive impact worldwide and has ushered in sweeping changes that have remained even now the virus is under control. The change that relates to this article is a large upswing in home and hybrid working and a significant downswing in going out to socialise. Many people report having far less day-to-day contact with other people, and I feel this has created a secret pandemic; loneliness. It’s also been on my mind lately as loneliness at Christmas can be a big issue for many.
Home Working
Most companies were happy to allow home working during the pandemic, and in most countries, it was mandatory anyway. So, it meant that many workers who had never had the option or even the interest in home working did so for well over a year. Here are just a few reasons even work-from-home sceptics found they loved it:
- No commute. Unless you live close enough to walk to work, every mode of transport is stressful. Public transport may not turn up, traffic jams or break downs in the car, lunatic motorists if you’re a cyclist. Walking from your bedroom to your desk is a joy by comparison.
- It’s cheaper. No money spent on lunches, expensive coffees or transport costs.
- Fewer distractions. Offices are full of distractions, meetings, gossip, trips to the vending machine etc. I accomplish far more at home than I did in the office.
- Flexibility. If your child is sick, you need a tradesperson to repair something, or you’re expecting a delivery, it’s simple to organise if you’re home all day.
- Comfy clothes! Working from home means you spend far less time and money on your wardrobe. People with illnesses like IBS can sit in comfy jogging pants on a bad gut day.
- No micromanaging. It’s far more difficult for a bad boss who justifies their existence by micromanaging to do so remotely. They can’t look over your shoulder or call out ten times a day to ask if you’ve done x, y or z. Most people are more efficient If they can structure their workload in a way that makes sense to them
It’s no surprise that now bosses are trying to return to a primarily office-based system, workers are pushing back.
Socialising
Even the most die-hard socialisers have changed during covid. When they simply couldn’t go to the pub, or the cinema or out to dinner, they made a startling realisation. Most of them didn’t miss it anywhere near as much as they thought they would! Having a few drinks at home with a friend or two is as much fun and cheaper than going to the pub.
Ditto restaurants. There are some fantastic takeaway options that you can enjoy at a fraction of the cost in your own home. It’s made trips to restaurants a special occasion treat rather than a regular occurrence.
Many streaming services get blockbusters a few weeks at most after the cinema. It’s often cheaper, and no one is talking, laughing or being obnoxious either. So, why would you go to the cinema?
Loneliness
I’ve explained the benefits of this change in lifestyle, but there is one huge downside; loneliness. I first began pondering the problem when commenting on an article on Medium. It related to the false information circling the internet about what men and women are looking for in a romantic partner. In a nutshell, men want women thin women with big boobs and women want tall men with huge dicks and fat wallets.
Of course, this is BS. My comment was:
“My husband is 6’3”, and I have big boobs. Neither accounts for our relationship of 17 years, not even at the beginning. We got together that first night because we kept each other in hysterics quoting one of our favourite British comedies, Red Dwarf, to each other.
Yes, looks may play a role if you’re trying to pick someone up in a bar, but once you get talking, it’s about how well you click—humour, values, shared experiences and so on.
The main problem nowadays is that post-Covid, many more people work from home, work out at home and don’t go out socially as much. So these meetings that allow casual chats that become something more just aren’t happening. It’s a difficult situation, and I’m not sure what the answer is tbh.”
That accounts for romantic loneliness. There are other types, however. According to the British Red Cross:
- Before the Covid-19 crisis, one in five people reported being often or always lonely. Now, 41 per cent of UK adults report feeling lonelier since lockdown.
- More than a quarter of UK adults agree that they worry something will happen to them and no one will notice.
- Thirty-one per cent of UK adults often feel alone, as though they have no one to turn to.
- A third of UK adults haven’t had a meaningful conversation in the last week.
- A lack of meaningful contact, a reduction of informal and formal support, and increased anxiety have exacerbated loneliness during the crisis.
This is a tragedy. My sister, Jayne, has recently been considering looking for a new job. She feels like she’s not getting anywhere in her current role, and with the cost of living crisis, she’d like to earn more. I told her the company I work for is hiring, but she turned it down as she lives alone and the job is 100% home-based. Jayne needs interaction, as do so many others. Interaction that is now lacking. Loneliness is a big problem.
Parents
As regular readers will know, I do not have children nor any interest in having them. However, new parents had to struggle without peer support like mother and baby groups during lockdown. Many groups closed permanently due to an unsustainable loss in revenue. Others have found that choices are more limited even after lockdown. I can’t even imagine the pressure of being a new parent. It must be incredibly isolating for people who don’t have family nearby and can’t find a group of mums to chat to. Loneliness is a big factor.
The Solution
Normally, I like to end my articles with a helpful list of things to try. The problem is things I enjoy to stave off loneliness might sound like hell on earth to others. However, I will offer a few tidbits from my life in case it’s helpful.
- I found a local tabletop role-playing game group. I’ve always wanted to learn, and it’s lots of fun
- I went to a clubbercise class. It’s closed now, but I’m looking for another
- I joined a cake-decorating class
- I went to my work Christmas party, which I have never done before
- I’ve begun practising witchcraft/paganism, and I’ve joined a couple of Facebook groups
One Final Option
I do worry about the number of people who feel alone, and like they don’t have a tribe. My husband Mike has a huge number of online friends, some of whom he has met in real life. I want to reach out to anyone affected by loneliness and try to do my small part to help.
If I kept it local, I could only reach the people in my immediate area. So, I’ve decided to set up a Signal group where anyone can drop in for a chat if they’re feeling lonely, disconnected, or even just like they want to pass the time. If you want to join, please send me your email address to cmoomuses@gmail.com, and I’ll add you. Take care.
