I’m 42 years old, I’m a woman, I’m married, and on top of that, I’m fat. These four things seem to add up to people assuming I have children. I don’t, though. I have no children, and I have no plans to in future. When I was young, I assumed I’d have children. All around me were women with children wherever I looked. Many of them on my local authority estate were only teenagers themselves.

However, I appear to have too much of my dad in me. He had my sister and me, but I think if he’d been brave enough to admit it, he never wanted children. That probably explains his affair and my parents’ subsequent divorce when I was ten months old and my mum was pregnant with my sister. Spectacular timing, right?

The Negative Impact Of My Dad’s Choice

The divorce and my mother’s marriage to my stepfather when I was four led to a somewhat difficult life for me. They were both clinically depressed, he was emotionally abusive and had the whole house walking on eggshells, and after we moved to where he lived, I was bullied at school from then on.

I have thought long and hard about whether it would have been better if my dad had been brave and just refused to have children? Yes, I know that means I wouldn’t be here, and I’m not saying my life now is so terrible I wish I wasn’t alive. I’m just pondering how many children have unhappy childhoods when their parents had them due to feelings of obligation? People who believed having children was the done thing, and so they went along with it? Would it have been better if their parents had decided to have no children.

People’s Reactions

Although feminism has come a long way, most people, male or female, seem to expect that having children is a woman’s guiding star, that it’s her mission in life. Very few people accept my decision unquestioningly. Some accept I don’t have children but want to know why, as if I need a justification. Others seriously react as if I’d just confessed to sacrificing puppies to satan. 

I Don’t Care About Other People’s Opinions

Honestly, I don’t care about the reaction of others. I know my decision to have no children was absolutely the right one both for me and for my husband. I think Mike is too immature emotionally to raise children, and luckily, he doesn’t want them either. I believe that if you bring a child into this world, you need to become the best version of yourself. To not pass on all your neuroses and fucked-upness onto your kids. I still have far too much work to do on myself to have a hope of doing that. 

I know it’s not a prerequisite, but I feel damaged by my childhood in a way that I may never get over fully. I couldn’t bear to make the same mistakes with my child.

I also think that there are more than enough people on this planet. More than it needs. I know it will make no appreciable difference if one couple chooses not to have children, but if more people make the same choice, it may help.

I feel confident I’m not the only one who feels this way. I read a very illuminating BuzzFeed article on it. I feel it’s more socially acceptable now but we have a ways to go.

I’ll Stick With My Cats

I may have no children, but I have six beautiful cats. They are my fur babies, and I couldn’t love them more if they were my children. The difference is, they’re very independent, they don’t need help with their homework, and I can lock them out of the room if they’re naughty. They represent enough responsibility for me and all the love I could ever want. So, no, I won’t be having children, and I’m entirely happy about it.