Hi Musers, I’m sharing my feelings today as I suspect I am not the only one who feels like this. Who goes through unpredictable periods when, for no reason, I feel like a loser, like complete and utter crap. No amount of telling myself it’s not true or even being given evidence that I’m not by friends and loved ones shake the belief once it has hold of me.

If you’ve been feeling like this, I want you to know that I feel like this too, so you’re not alone. It’s also very unlikely to be true, and unfortunately, you (we) need to simply ride it out.

Reasons I Am Not A Loser

• I am a nice person
• I have a great marriage to the love of my life
• I have a job I enjoy, working with people I like
• I have been told I’m doing well at work and am even trying for a promotion
• I have a wonderful relationship with my sister and a few close friends
• I have six rescue cats whom I love to bits
• I’m not rich, but I’m certainly not poor. I have no major money worries
• I have this blog, and I’m really proud of it
• I have a writing career. It’s slowly taking off, but my feedback is good
• I have finally stopped caring what others think of my body and love myself as I am

What My Brain Is Telling Me

• If you’re such a nice person, how come you don’t have loads of friends?
• Why do you and Mike argue so much?
• Why are you such a grumpy bitch? It’s amazing anyone wants to be around you
• Why are you only a deputy team leader? Why were you made redundant last year? How come you can never man up and go for jobs that stretch you?
• What if you lost your job? You need more savings
• How come you don’t make time to exercise, you lazy cow?
• Why isn’t your house tidier?
• What if my blog and my writing is actually shit, but no one has the heart to tell me?
• And ditto at my job!?!
• Why can’t you stop being so tired?? You’re bloody useless!!!!

I Feel Like A Loser

Wow, that’s quite a list, isn’t it? It’s a small wonder I feel so bad about myself at times and I feel like a loser. These thoughts and feelings keep popping up unannounced like an unwelcome guest, like Maleficent. 

As much as I have strategies for dealing with negative self-talk when I’m in one of these periods, it rarely works. Instead, I have to ride it out, and eventually, I feel better and rational thinking returns.

What I Do

When I feel like a loser, I know from experience it’s almost impossible to pull myself out of it. All I can do in these moments is take steps to limit the effect. Here’s what I do.

1. I need to feel it and acknowledge my feelings. There is zero point in pretending it’s not happening. If I don’t deal with it through the day, it will ambush me at night, and things always feel so much worse at night. So, I sit with the feeling. Acknowledge it and work through the specific thoughts I have.
2. I don’t make big decisions. When I feel like a loser and that life is one hot mess, it is not the time to make decisions any bigger than what to have for dinner. No decisions about relationships, advancement at work, whether to give up on this blog idea etc. I always wait until I’m more clear-headed.
3. I ask for more cuddles from my husband (and my cats!). Not a surprise, I’m sure, but when I’m feeling shitty, being held a lot does help. It doesn’t get rid of the bad feelings, but I feel more secure. It also makes me feel a teeny bit better to know I’m giving my fur babies a good life.
4. I try to distract myself. I watch my favourite movies, read more books, get lost on Medium and even do more intense workouts at the gym. If I can push the thoughts away for even a part of the day, it makes getting through these spells easier.
5. I try to note any good stuff. So if someone at work tells me I’ve done a great job, or I get a 5-star rating on Upwork, I point it out to myself. It doesn’t take me out of it, but it helps me not slide further in.

Hang In There

If, like me, you’re feeling like a loser, please, please hang in there. It will pass, so as I said, make no big decisions until your mind is clear. Until then, give yourself a break and lean on the people that love you. You are not a loser, and neither am I. In a while, we can feel like winners again. If you’re interested in learning more, then here’s some info on Toxic Loser Syndrome. Till next time, look after yourselves xxx