Today we’re going to talk about how to support fat friends, and fat folks in general. I know you might feel that you aren’t anti-fat or fatphobic but, much as people of colour told us in the black lives matter campaigns, if you’re not actively opposing the problem then you’re part of the problem. Here are a few ways you can show up for your fat friends and try and make the world a better place for fat people.

Stop Discussing Diets

In almost any group nowadays, even groups including men, diet is an inevitable part of the discussion. Which diets you’re on, which you’ve tried, how fat you feel, and how great x looks since they lost weight. If your friend is a fat person who truly wants to step away from diet culture then they don’t need to hear this, and newsflash, neither do you! You need to realise as much as they do how toxic the thin agenda that society promote really is, and how many mental health problems and eating disorders it causes. Think about yourself and be honest about how much of the joy it has stolen from your own life.

Try to banish diet talk from you topics, and if you’re with friends who go there, tell them they don’t need to diet. Tell them how beautiful they are exactly as they are. You should also try and move the discussion away from appearance altogether if you can. Tell your friends all the things you love about them that have nothing to go with how they look. How kind they are, how they’re always there for you. That they are so intelligent or a talented artist, or an amazing cook. People are so much more than tight skin, a narrow waist or a thigh gap.

Make Sure They Can Do The Activities You Plan

It’s a lie that fat people are lazy and can’t exercise, or walk far, or stand any exertion. However, it’s possible they may not want or be able to walk as far as you do without a break. They may struggle with more intense activities like rock-climbing, for example. Or if you wanna go horse-riding they may worry about whether there be a horse that would be able to accept their weight. It would be pretty humiliating being left behind while the rest of the group goes off to have fun. Really think about your planned activity and question whether it might make them uncomfortable. If you’re not sure, ask but do it kindly and sensitively, and don’t make it seem like they’re ruining your planned activity because of their size. If you love your friends make them feel included and make them feel wanted, not a burden.

Think About Whether A Location Is Fat-friendly

There’s no point planning a great day out if it’s going to be uncomfortable for members of your group. Does the restaurant you’re going to have booths with fixed chairs? Or chairs with arms that might not be big enough for those in larger bodies. If you’re getting your nails done make sure that the chairs don’t look flimsy. There’s nothing worse than going into a place and being worried if the chairs will bear your weight. Make sure you pick a place everyone can feel comfortable.

Shut Down Fat Jokes

As I pointed out in my article, jokes about fat people need to stop. It’s not ok to make fun of the disabled, people of other races, gay people or transgender people and it shouldn’t be ok to laugh at fat people. It should be as unacceptable as any of these other topics. No one should be made fun of for who they are. Please, please do not trot out the “but fatness is self-inflicted and the others aren’t” argument! ALL people deserve respect. Period. Even if a fat person appears to laugh, it’s hurtful. What’s worse is, many fat people have so much internalised fatphobia they actually make fun of themselves. If you want to know how to support fat friends, tell them they are not a joke!

Remember That Prejudice Rarely Exists In Isolation

Anti-fatness has it’s roots in racism and is particularly focused on black women. You can’t fight one type of prejudice without acknowledging how it intersects with other forms of discrimination and bias. Educate yourself and try to understand your own privilege. Find how you can be an advocate not just for fat people but all underprivileged groups.

A Final Thought…

What it all boils down to, is that everyone knows someone who is fat. Treating them with respect and making sure they feel welcome and comfortable shouldn’t be radical, it should be the bare minimum. Let make businesses and society in general a place where everyone feels accepted. That’s how to support fat friends.