Hi Musers, today’s photo has nothing to do with the topics but it’s a sausage dog in a jumper so I’m using it! My blog, my rules! Getting back on track though I don’t think any of us can deny we’re well on our way to Christmas. Here in NE England, I’ve noticed decorations going up earlier than ever before. I don’t think it’s a sign of increased excitement for the big day. It’s more this year has been pretty crappy and most of us can’t wait to see the back of it. A common factor every Christmas though is that it’s supposed to a time of happiness, abundance and togetherness. That’s wonderful if you have those things. What if you don’t? How can you protect your mental health over Christmas?

This is quite a big topic so I’m going to split it into three. Today let’s talk about mental health when you do have your family to spend the holiday with. Getting the family together for compulsory merriment can be stressful. There is so much pressure to make Christmas perfect, especially if you’re the host. It’s worse this year because due to COVID restrictions going other places is far less of an option so there’s no break whatsoever 😱. Let’s go through a few scenarios and come up with a coping strategy. Christmas and mental health have one big thing in common – having a plan is key!

Scenario One – You’re the host and you get stressed about making dinner

This is one area I have a lot of experience in but, happily, I’m not the one who gets stressed! My sister and I started making lunch on Christmas Day at a family your age. I was 17 and Jayne was 16. Please don’t be imagining sad stories about death or an absent mother. She was there and she actually wasn’t a bad cook. The problem was she got so stressed out that we were walking on eggshells around her all day. We took over as soon as we were able to and banned her from the kitchen! More work for us, yes but it was infinitely less stressful and much more enjoyable.

Here are a few of my top tips for making Christmas dinner

1. Start early! If you think you’ve picked a perfect start time then start an hour before. These things always take longer than you think!
2. Preparation and making ahead is key! If you make it the day before and heat it up then for the love of God and your sanity do it! Mashed vegetables are great heated up so potato, swede, carrots & parsnips (that combo is an Irish thing… don’t ask!) or sweet potato. Get it ready and forget about it. I make sprouts with bacon and chestnuts. I cook the sprouts till 2 minutes from being done the day before. On Christmas Day I fry the bacon and then add the sprouts, chestnuts and a little Marsala. It takes 5 minutes. Stuffing can be made in advance ready to pop in the oven. Another top tip is to cook the stuffing, roast potatoes and pigs in blankets in disposable foil trays to cut down on washing up after. These are my favourite shortcuts to save my mental health over Christmas dinner, find ones that work for you.
3. The roast potatoes are the showstopper. Focus on getting them right above all else. Make sure they are par-boiled for 10-15 mins and well-shaken up afterwards so their outsides are fluffy. The oil you cook them in needs to be searingly hot to get the gorgeous crispy outside you want. I use goose fat as it doesn’t smoke as much. When I take the tray out of the oven I put it onto a gas ring on low to keep it hot as I add the potatoes. It will hiss and spit so make sure you’re covered up. Turn the potatoes at least once during cooking to make sure all sides are crisp.
4. Hot gravy hides a multitude of sins if items are little lukewarm after dishing everything up. Get the gravy out last and put it on high before you do to ensure it’s piping hot when you serve it.
5. If you need recipes Nigella Lawson is my domestic goddess of choice. Check out her website for lots of tips and tricks.

Scenario 2 – You don’t get on well with the family you’re spending time with

This is a tough one. The first question is if you do actually need to go? Your mental health is important. You are important. Anything that makes you feel that bad is worth questioning if it’s worth you going? If there’s no way out of it then all you can do is accept it’s going to be tough but try to enjoy it as much as you can. Is it one particular person you don’t get on with? Can you come up with a plan to minimise your time with them? Build in breaks for yourself. Is there a dog you can take for a walk? One of your children you can put down for a nap? If things get desperate lock yourself in the bathroom with your phone for 10 minutes!

Scenario 3 – Fat shaming by family members

I’m sure this is one that will resonate with many of us. It’s a strange thing that some people believe if you’re family then tact, politeness and basic decency no longer apply. It might be your mum, grandma, dad or sister but it doesn’t matter. Fat shaming is never ok. No, not even if it’s a “joke”. Jokes are where bigots love to hide! 😡

 I appreciate you don’t want to make a fuss and spoil Christmas but you matter. It’s not ok for people to treat you badly and you do need to stand up for yourself. You don’t need to make a huge scene. Have some responses planned and be firm.

A few responses you can try:

• “I’d rather you didn’t discuss my weight. It’s hurtful and unnecessary. Let’s talk about something else.”
• In a joking voice say “Wow, you really mustn’t have been up to much if all you have to talk about is my weight”
• “I’m happy with my body, thank you.”
• “What weight? I’m just too full of fabulousness to fit into a smaller body!”

If these comments don’t deflect them then you have the choice to ignore them or be more firm. Hopefully, if you’re worried you can enlist the help of another family member ahead of time. If they try to bang the health concern drum remind them that mental health is equally important. Your mental health over Christmas is even more so. This is supposed to be a happy time. Don’t sacrifice it so as not to make a fuss. Sometimes it’s necessary.

That’s it for now Musers. Next time we’ll talk about what to do if you either don’t have anyone or you can’t see them due to Covid. Til then look after yourselves!  

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