Emotional Pain And The 3 Truths It Has Revealed – Time To Be Honest
Hi Musers, I hope the week is going well for you. I’ve not been doing well this week. Firstly, I’ve been sick – sore throat, swollen glands, the whole bit. Secondly I’ve been really tired and feeling pretty down. These are probably both related to the illness but it still sucks.
Pain is not something anyone enjoys, but at least I’m comforted by the fact that I know what is causing it and I will get better. Emotional pain is different. My pain in my throat is caused by a virus, my immune system will eventually get rid of it but in the meantime I can take painkillers and suck strepsils and experience some relief.
My Emotional Pain
I’m not gonna lie, emotional pain can be a total motherf*cker. Even when you know exactly what causes it there’s no analgesic that will take that pain away. Sometimes, you know exactly what caused it such as a bereavement or the end of a relationship. It’s awful, but this too shall pass. Other times, though, it’s not that clear cut. In my case, I have persistent depressive disorder which sometimes crosses into double depression. I am also currently in therapy to deal with a load of childhood trauma that I believe has left me with an anxious attachment style and C-PTSD.
In all honestly I feel like an onion. I am peeling away my memories and discovering trauma one layer at a time. Also, as with onions, there’s a bit of crying too. The problem with processing and releasing my emotional pain from this trauma is that I don’t know how. I don’t completely understand it so there’s nothing to get a hold of. Does that make sense? Before you pop up in my comments telling me therapy is a process I really do know that. It’s just frustratingly nebulous at times.
The Spread
The slow progress and my struggles to understand my trauma mean I was excited to find a spread dealing with emotional pain in my spreads book from the Tarot Diagnosis.
Rather than a way of looking out towards the future, I have always seen tarot as a way of looking inwards and often into the past. The great thing about tarot decks is they’re a great way to access your intuition, things that you don’t know you know.
My hope for this spread is that it can help me access even a little of my emotional pain and understand what it wants to tell me. Each element of my trauma that I unpack takes me one step closer to understanding and healing.
The Deck
After a lot of thought I decided to use the Tarot of Vampyres by Ian Daniels for this spread. I initially bought it to do shadow work and I really like it as a deck. My sister hates it. She said the vampires are either hoochy, apologetic, or overly-dramatic. She thinks there are a few cool cards, but honestly I love it. It’s a dark deck and so it seems a good choice for analysing my pain.
My Pain – Seven of Knives. The root of my pain is hidden in a maze of twists, turns and dead ends. There is a lot of deceit involved. I was fed a steady diet of BS by my mother and stepfather growing up which was a reflection of their own fucked up thought patterns. They had poor mental health and a pretty toxic marriage. Because I wasn’t good at making friends I was home a lot and subject to their warped view of the world. Realising just how fucked up it was causes me a lot of pain now, and I have a lot to unpack and work through.
Is Saying – Seven of Scepters. Two sevens in two cards is significant. In numerology 7 is about wisdom and digging below the superficial for deeper meanings. This card is telling me it’s time to resist. I’ve fought back against the damage caused by my parents for years, and now it’s time to double down. Dredging through the past in therapy is hard but if I stand my ground and fight back I can heal my thought patterns and become the person I am meant to be. I can heal and become whole.
That’s a pretty encouraging spread but I’m under no illusions about the long hard path still before me.
Good Luck With Your Pain
Let’s be real, everyone suffers emotional pain at some point in our lives and while we can’t stop it happening, we can choose to heal afterwards. Take care xx
