Tarot

Curiosity Killed The Cat – Let’s Hope I Have 9 Lives!

Hi Musers! We’ve reached the second half of the week and I hope it’s going well for you. If not, at least we’re on our way to the weekend 😃 I am personally in an excellent mood since the tories got their arses handed to them in the local council and mayoral elections 🥳

I feel I should start my post by explaining that the point of my journey into spirituality, learning tarot and even this blog are all to help me get to know three things. 1. Who am I really? 2. What would actually make me happy long term and 3. What do I want? That leads me to the topic of today’s post – curiosity.

I am a naturally curious person. I have always loved to learn and training is invariably my favourite part of any job. However, my learning doesn’t have to serve a purpose, like passing an exam or being able to do my job. I just like to know things and I am curious about almost everything. Notice I said almost, the videos my husband watches on the history of the M62 (no, not a joke, I wish it were!) is where my curiosity stutters and dies.

Beyond that though, I do want to know. How the reactor at Chernobyl melted down? Awful but fascinating! How is that 25 layer Japanese cake made? I’ll be hooked! How and why tidal waves form? Bring it on!

My Quest To Find Myself

I guess what I’m saying is that I’ve always seen my curiosity as a good thing and I believe it even more strongly now I am doing so much work to heal, to find out who am and to determine the path to happiness and fulfilment. I am icing deep, even into the areas that are painful and that I’m more than a little afraid of.

Let me clear, I don’t want to do this. I spent many decades neatly packing my trauma into boxes and stacking them in a dusty cupboard at the very back of my mind. I tried to convince myself that if they were there they were gone, and they couldn’t hurt me anymore. I fact, what I was building was a great, big time bomb just waiting to blow up my mental health and my life. I tried to ignore it but the ticking has been getting steadily louder, my mental health has gotten worse and I finally decided it was time to face it.

Step one was therapy which is still ongoing. Step two is work on my own which I am doing as and when I have the energy. I’m reading a book called Main Character Energy – Romanticise Your Life And Put Yourself First. Putting myself first is a fairly alien concept to me which is why I bought the book!

Lists, Glorious Lists!

I’m sure I’ve mentioned it before but I love lists! The create order, give me a sense of accomplishment when I tick things off and they help me ensure nothing important is missed. I am very excited that the book has me making lists. The first is things that I like about myself. The second is what I like and dislike more generally in the world. I’ve made a start on both but I suspect I’ll add to them as new things come to me. I am very curious to know what I need to do next and what I’ll learn about myself. I may share my insights as some point but right now they’re just for me.

A Curiosity Spread

Having my mind hard at work analysing my life probably explains why this spread in the Spreads Book from The Tarot Diagnosis appealed to me so much. A chance to think about my curiosity and all the ways it helps me in my life. Once again, it’s just a two card spread but I hope I’ll still get a lot out of it. Here it is.

Tarot spread 2 cards - My curiosity card 1 and teaches me card 2 — Spread by The Tarot Diagnosis

I have decided to use my Ink Witch Tarot deck for this reading. It’s a straight shooter and will be honest with me. I don’t need fluff today so it’s seems like a good choice. Here is my reading.

My Curiosity – King of Cups. I found this card interesting as it works in two ways. Firstly, my curiosity is a way of maintaining my emotional equilibrium, the balance between head and heart that this card signifies. One of the big revelations in therapy is that I am quite closed off emotionally. I tend to think a lot better than I feel. My curiosity gives me a sense of security and stability. A feeling that I can control my life.

There’s a different side to it though. By being curious I can explore and try to get in touch with my emotions. I feel like I need a way in, a conduit to release some of the blockages.

I can access my emotions through fiction books, or through movies or even though the experiences of others on social media. When I am badly depressed I almost never cry, I just feel numb. Sometimes I wait for it to pass and other times I need to let it out, like releasing the pressure using a valve. That’s when I watch something or read something that I know will make me cry. The Aberfan episode of The Crown is a good choice. So by being curious about emotions I lear more about how to recognise them, release them, and how to control them.

Helps Me – Three of Cups. My curiosity helps me realise I am not alone. The more time I spend learning about trauma from influencers on Instagram the less alone I feel. Their traumas may be different, but the results, the damage, the negative thought patterns are not. It helps me feel heard and understood.

My curiosity has also helped me realise I can’t do everything alone. My trauma has taught me to protect myself by closing myself off. I am afraid of pain and rejection and don’t want to give others a chance to hurt me. However I know this is an unhealthy way to behave. I know I will never heal until I let others fully into my heart and learn to trust them. I already have this with my husband and sister but no one else. The expression “find your tribe” makes me cringe a little but it might be something I need to work on.