Coping 101. If Your Life Is Sinking Into A Hole, Stop Digging!
Hi friends. Today I want to share a secret with you. I am not ok! I feel like my life is on a downward trajectory, and I can’t seem to find the brakes. So, today I’m going to share what I feel is wrong and what I plan to do about it.
Health
I am exhausted right now. The most minor tasks seem unbelievably huge, hence my not publishing an article last Sunday. I am eating too much pre-prepared food like ready meals, as I only have the energy to cook a few times a week. My husband is taking over most of the housework, and I am just managing to go to work and keep up with my writing commitments too.
There could be several reasons for this tiredness:
- I have chronic fatigue syndrome
- I have depression which also causes apathy and tiredness
- I caught covid in June and have not really felt right since
- England has been unusually hot and sleeping is a challenge
It could be any or all of these things, but it’s getting me down. I feel completely burned out.
Depression
Is my tiredness causing me to have such a low mood, or is my depression making me tired? Unfortunately, it’s impossible to know. They are definitely interconnected.
This apathy and exhaustion mean I’m not exercising. I know I should, I know I must, but I can’t bring myself to do it.
My Job
I like my job to an extent. I like that I can pretty much choose my work times each day. I also like that I have a large list of tasks that I’m responsible for, and it’s up to me how I do them and in what order. No micromanaging. Unfortunately, it’s such a small department that if I don’t do the tasks, no one else will. So if I’m off sick or on holiday, the work just keeps building up. I then feel stressed, meaning it’s harder to enjoy my holidays or take the time I need to recover when I’m ill.
My Purpose
I know it’s a given that I have a purpose or a calling, but I keep feeling like I do. I just cannot for the life of me work out what it is! I don’t feel particularly drawn to any field. There are no activities where I enter a flow state. I feel lost.
The Result
At present, I feel tired, sad, unmotivated, and lost in my own life. I genuinely have no idea what to do. I’m trapped in a dark room, and I know I could get out if I could just find the damned light switch!
What I Plan To Do
Nothing! As I said in the title, I need to stop digging. I don’t believe my thinking is clear enough to lead me in the right direction at the moment. So, for now, I’m going to try to be ok with not being ok. I’m going to sit with my feelings for a while until I feel ready to move on.
Even when I feel ready, I know it won’t be easy. As I explained in a previous post, making changes when you have depression can be extremely difficult. It needs to be done, though, and I have to have faith in myself that I’ll know when it’s time to start. I believe I can lead a happier, more fulfilled life. Now is not the time to start building it, however. I need to give myself time, show myself compassion, and believe in myself. You need to do the same xx
