Compliments About Weight Loss Are Bad And Damaging. Stop Them Now
This title might sound strange…after all, compliments are a good thing, aren’t they? Yes, usually, but not when they refer to a person’s weight. Even if you’re trying to be kind and make someone feel good about themselves, compliments about weight loss need to stop. Let me take it one step further, weight loss compliments are bad! Don’t worry, I’m going to explain! Here’s what we’re going to cover.
Reason 1. You Have No Idea WHY They’ve Lost Weight
One of the saddest things I read on body positivity blogs and social media are the experiences of people in recovery from eating disorders. They talk about how ill they were, how close to death sometimes, and yet they were surrounded by friends, acquaintances, and even family telling them how fabulous they looked!
Let that sink in for a second. So they had a severe mental illness that was slowly starving them to death, and people were reinforcing the disorder’s hold by telling them they looked amazing!? Pardon the language, but how fucked up is that!
A recent analysis of 50 years of medical data found anorexia has the highest mortality (death) rate of any mental illness. It is an extremely dangerous illness. So if someone is still in its grip, or even just starting to struggle out, and you compliment their weight, you may push them back, or further, into its clutches.
It may not be a serious as an eating disorder, but other bad things can cause weight loss – grief, for example. You may tell someone they’ve lost loads of weight and look great, but they’ve had a bereavement and been so deeply in mourning they’ve been unable to eat. Is that something you’d want to be complimented on?
They may be on medication that makes them ill, and they’re worried about their health; again, not something to suggest is a good thing.
Reason2. It Perpetuates A Focus On Looks
Since I began my self-love journey, I’ve been learning to love everything about me. Yes, my body, of course, but also how amazing I am in so many ways that have nothing to do with how I look.
Society is so completely looks-obsessed we can be forgiven for thinking that’s all that matters. It isn’t. Not even slightly. I’d rather have a husband, sister, friend or workmate that was funny, intelligent, compassionate, honest and generous and was fat or had spots or messy hair than one who was gorgeous but an awful person. There is so much wrong in this world right now that we could cure with a bit of compassion. By taking just a moment out of our day to think about others before ourselves. Let’s pledge to be better humans and compliment people based on that and not how they look.
What If You Know Someone Has Been Trying To Lose Weight?
I will grudgingly say that if you know someone has worked really hard to lose weight and would appreciate your comment, then yes ok compliment them. HOWEVER, I would still encourage you to compliment based on other things.
First, as I explained above, to take the focus away from looks and put it onto all the other things that make us special.
Secondly, you don’t know who is listening. You may think you’re alone, but someone overhears, and it reinforces to them that weight loss is good and to be praised.
It’s bad enough if it’s an adult but what if it’s a child? Studies show children worry about being fat as young as five! Let’s change what they hear. Let them hear, “you’ve got such a lovely smile”, or “you’re so kind” or “you’re so great at cheering me up”.
Compliments About Weight Gain. Are They Ok?
So we’ve established compliments about weight loss need to stop, but what about compliments about weight gain? What if you were worried that someone was too thin and think they look better.
This is also dangerous territory. Perhaps the person has always been naturally very thin and is self-conscious about it. Being thin doesn’t have anywhere near the same negative perceptions in society as being fat does, but thin people are still the victim of insults.
Frequently being urged to “eat a burger for god’s sake!” Or being called beanpole or skin and bone. These people can genuinely find it difficult to gain weight and feel bad because of it.
Why would they feel bad? Because women are supposed to be thin but also have large breasts and a shapely bum. Maybe they would like to be curvy, have bigger boobs or have fatter legs. They may struggle to find clothes that fit them properly.
I’m sure many larger people out there would feel like they’d rather have that problem than dealing with how people treat them in fat bodies. It doesn’t negate their self-consciousness or bad feelings about themselves. Everyone has the right to worry about their body.
So, by commenting they look good having gained weight, you are flat out telling them their body wasn’t ok before. That’s not nice whatever size they are.
Secondly, and possibly even more importantly, they may be in recovery from an eating disorder. I’ve never had an ED myself, so I can’t imagine the utter terror that sufferers feel at the thought of gaining weight. Based on what I’ve read, I honestly believe they’d feel less afraid of someone holding a gun.
So by pointing out you can see they’ve gained weight, you could damage their recovery or push them fully back into the disease. With this big a risk, why would you?
Weight Loss Compliments Are Bad – Here’s Other Things You Can Say
So if you’re not giving compliments about weight loss (or gain), what can you say? Here are a few ideas:
- Your eyes are sparkling today; it’s beautiful.
- It’s great to see you looking so happy.
- You’re such a kind person. Thank you.
- You care so much about others/animals/the environment. You’re a wonderful person.
- You are so funny, and you always make me laugh!
- Thank you for always being someone I can depend on.
- You’re so clever. I love talking to you and hearing what you think.
- It’s great that you’re so passionate about X. It encourages me to follow my passions too
- That’s a fabulous scarf/dress/skirt, and you look great.
- Oooh, that’s a lovely perfume; you smell gorgeous.
Conclusion
Compliments about weight loss and, in fact, compliments about weight, in general, are something that needs to stop. We need to take the focus away from there being a “right” body and accept bodies come in all shapes and sizes and are all beautiful.
So if you want to compliment someone, compliment them based on what you like about them as people. It might just change the world and make their day.
Do you have any favourite compliments that are nothing to do with weight? Let me know in the comments!
