Welcome to part 2 of my articles on changing antidepressants. Today is day six on only 10mg of Citalopram. I’m coping more or less, but it’s a struggle. I want to document my experience in case any of you find that your antidepressants have stopped working and are worried about what it’ll be like coming off them. I know everyone’s experiences are different, but at least it’ll give you an idea. For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, if you’re changing your antidepressants most of the time, you can’t stop taking it one day and start a new one the next. Stopping an antidepressant dead is the fast track to a lot of side effects. So, in my case, I was on 30mg of Citalopram per day. I spent ten days on 20mg, and now I’m taking only 10mg for another week before starting my new medication. The problem is that although I’m changing antidepressants because they aren’t working, it was still working a bit. Being without even that small amount of help means I’m going through some mood problems. I’ve explained in detail how my depression normally feels, let’s talk about how i feel now.

How I Feel

I originally started taking Citalopram to help with my depression. It hasn’t been working, and I’ve been feeling really low. I expected it to get worse on lower doses of my meds. Surprisingly, it hasn’t. What I wasn’t expecting was that my anxiety would get a hundred times worse. Anxiety didn’t use to be a problem, but it is now. I can’t sit still for long. I’ll try to get far more than done I can in a day. If I have to wait for anything, I pace up and down, constantly moving my fingers. I struggle to sleep. My heart pounds in my ears. I am praying that Venlafaxine does what it’s meant to and settles me back down.

What’s Been Good

Over the last few days it hasn’t been all bad. The anxiety has meant I’ve gotten stuff done, and I even enjoyed myself for parts of it. Here are the highlights:

I made it through work
I got my writing assignments finished by Friday so I could enjoy the weekend
On Saturday, I got my new bed in my garden dug out and prepared ready for planting more veggies next weekend
On Saturday night, I watched the Eurovision Song Contest with Mike and Jayne. We had drinks and nibbles, and it was fun. The result was BULLSHIT, but that’s another issue. Malta and Finland were robbed
I made pancakes for breakfast on Sunday
Baked a chocolate cake for work on Monday
I made Chicken Shawarma and Mejadra for dinner and lunch at work. It was so beautiful I took a picture 🙂

What’s Been Bad

I went on a tirade at Mike about weighing his food. This is something I stand by to an extent as I find it difficult to dump diet culture when he is working out every day for more than an hour, weighing and logging everything he eats and talking about protein constantly
I was too panicked to let Mike wait in a motorbike area for two minutes while I ran in to grab a pizza
This morning I nearly had a panic attack because I had to park at Aldi on a busy Sunday
I can’t settle, and my mind is racing all day
I am dreading having to go into the office tomorrow as I’m scared I won’t be able to hold it together
I’m getting awful headaches
I’m itchy

My mood

Depression 5/10
Anxiety 9/10

So, that’s where am at Musers. Do you have your own experience of changing antidepressants? If so let me know in the comments below. If it’s something you’re contemplating then hopefully my experience will help. Take care my Musers.