Body Hatred To Body Liberation – 5 Actions When You Have A Massive Setback
I think it’s safe to say I’ve gotten a lot of material from my recent emotional breakdown. Today I’m going to talk about going from body hatred to body liberation. The things I’m going to suggest will still be helpful to you if you’re making this journey for the first time. However, because I was at peace with my body and then had a major wobble, the focus of this piece is what to do when that happens.
I was devastated by the damage to the relationship I had so painstakingly constructed with my body. It had felt so solid, so permanent, and I was sure that nothing could knock me off course anymore. But then, a nasty bout of depression coupled with a big row with my husband set me straight on that. I now accept there may not be a place you can get to where you never wobble, never struggle. It’s a tedious part of being human and a woman, I guess.
Enough dwelling on it for now! Instead, let’s focus on how I’m going to move forward.
1) When A Carefully Curated Social Media Feed Is Key
When I first started down the path to body liberation, I spent a lot of time cleansing and rebuilding my social media feed. First, I removed anything, however small, that made me feel bad about my body. Then I went looking for accounts that made me feel powerful, strong, beautiful, capable, and most importantly, HEARD.
I looked for accounts that echoed the way I felt now and accounts that reflected where I wanted to be. For those of you thinking, “sure, she flooded her feed with people saying it’s good to be fat, no exercise or healthy eating anywhere”, you’re wrong. Many of the accounts I follow discuss eating to nourish and strengthen your body, and others talk about how to exercise for the joy of it and to see what I can accomplish.
The ones I removed were those that discussed diet and exercise solely as a means to lose weight. I do not apologise for that. I would not have been able to go from body hatred to body liberation without a decent social media feed.
So, because I have this ready-made support system, I spent a lot of time looking at posts from my favourite people, reminding myself that my body does not exist to be thin and attractive to others. It’s a powerful message.
2) I Am More Than A Body…
And so are you! It’s funny but body hatred to body liberation focuses on my body! It is a sad indictment of today’s culture that so much emphasis is placed on appearance. If women were buildings, we’d live our lives continually wearing “Under Renovation” signs and literally never get to the grand opening. Why? Because no change or improvement is ever enough!
I am calling bullsh*t on this. Do you want to stop and think how much more we could achieve if so much of our focus was not on how best to shrink our bodies, tone our abs, apply eyeliner perfectly, find the perfect outfit, and whether to get micro bladed eyebrows and so on?
We are more than our appearance, and we all need to remember that! For that reason, I wrote a list of everything good about me that has nothing to do with how I look. It was hard initially; everything is when you’re depressed. The first time I sat down, I came up with only two things. I kept coming back to it, though, and now my list has 15 items on it. I’m not going to share it with all of you. It was an exercise just for me. If you’re on this journey, too, I encourage you to make your own list.
3) Feeling It
One of my biggest flaws in any situation is that I leap immediately into “solution mode”. I look at all the ways to make something right as quickly and efficiently as possible. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but sometimes I try to fix a problem without fully understanding what the problem is. If I don’t fully understand the problem, then the solutions I come up with may not be appropriate.
So, I just sat with how I was feeling. I lay in bed at night, turning it over and over in my mind. I wrote lists and jotted things down as they came to me. I was about two steps away from mind mapping the whole thing! It might have been a bit excessive, but it helped me see things more clearly. Ironically it made it harder to come up with strategies as the issues seemed so huge. I’ve decided that is a problem for another day, however. For now, feeling what I was feeling was enough.
4) Talk
Even when you’re not depressed, it’s easy to get stuck in your head and start thinking things that are not true. Talking through how you’re feeling with somebody else means they can point out your faulty thinking. You might struggle to believe them, but at least you’ve heard it. It becomes a part of the narrative in your mind.
I chose my sister Jayne for this talk, although I am considering a therapist. Not for body image issues per se. I think I can make the trip from body hatred to body liberation on my own. A therapist is for the whole depression, self-doubt and anxiety mess.
5) Get Dolled Up
I put on one of my favourite outfits with my brightest Snag tights and even put on makeup and nail varnish. I took photos of myself and looked at them all, flattering or not. I remembered how far I’ve come and how if my photo were of someone else, I would think they looked gorgeous. So I told myself I DO look gorgeous!
It rang a little hollow, and I didn’t truly believe it, but then I didn’t when I started the journey either. It is a marathon, not a sprint. I am down but definitely not out, and I will get back to where I was. I’ve fought too long and too hard to give up now. I’m headed from body hatred to body liberation and I won’t stop til I get there. Wish me luck!
