Antidepressant Withdrawal – My Month From Hell
Hi Musers. I started this blog because I wanted to help others. I have more experience than I would ever care to with depression, anxiety, and self-esteem issues due to my weight. I’ve been depressed on and off since I was fourteen, and I’ve been on antidepressants for most of the last 25 years. Recently though, I experienced something I never have before, antidepressant withdrawal.
The Last Two Months
I’ve written over the last few months about my struggles with medication. I was on Citalopram, but it stopped working. I felt very low and was snappy and irritable with the people I loved. I discussed it with my doctor, and we decided I would try Venlafaxine. Venlafaxine lifted my mood but stopped me from sleeping. It was taking til 2 or 3 am to get to sleep, and that did nothing for my physical or mental health.
So, in consultation with my doctor, I decided to stop taking Venlafaxine. I also made the big decision (for me anyway) not to start on a new medication. I wanted to see how I coped.
I know the risks of stopping antidepressants suddenly, so I did it the way I have in the past. I slowly reduced the dose, and it took me more than four weeks to stop taking it altogether. It never occurred to me for a second that this would not be slow enough to prevent antidepressant withdrawal.
The Results
I’d love to tell you everything was fine. I came off the pills, my mood was fine, and I continued on my merry way. That’s not what happened. My mood plummeted like a broken lift. I had a wide range of mental and physical symptoms.
The physical symptoms I wrote off as being under the weather. I thought the mental ones were due to me needing medication and not being able to cope without it.
So after three weeks or so of complete hell, I spoke to the doctor. I told him tearfully how bad things had been and how I obviously needed to be medicated. What he said stopped me dead in my tracks.
He told me that it would take two or three months of being off the medication for my mood to dip that strongly. He believed the symptoms were due to antidepressant withdrawal.
I was stunned. I followed the rules and came off the medication so slowly? How could this happen? It seems that for some medication, slowly isn’t enough. It needs to be slooooooowly. Who knew? I’m going to start with the symptoms I experienced and then talk about all the symptoms you can experience.
My Physical Symptoms
The weirdest one was that I always felt slightly dizzy, like my head was swimming whenever I moved it. I also experienced nausea, diarrhoea and headaches. Sounds like fun, right?
My Mental Symptoms
The most obvious one was that I had a very low mood. I cried most days which is extremely unusual for me. Normally when I feel very depressed, I feel numb, almost beyond the point of tears, if that makes sense.
I was anxious. My heart was pounding all the time, and my Apple Watch recorded over an hour of exercise per day even though I wasn’t exercising at all.
Feelings of doom. I know that sounds weird, but I have no other way to describe it. I felt absolutely positive that I was going to die soon. I don’t mean that I felt suicidal. I felt like I was going to die of a heart attack or stroke, or aneurism.
I found it hard to focus because my mind was always racing. It never seemed to stop long enough to concentrate on anything.
I didn’t feel suicidal as such. I would never do that to my husband or sister. I did find myself wondering if it would be the end of the world if I died. It felt like peace, and an escape from how I was feeling would be nice.
All of these things meant I found it incredibly hard to cope. I ended up in trouble at work due to my attitude and amount of absence. Needless to say, this made all my other symptoms worse, and I’m still dealing with the fallout now.
The ironic thing is that I kept working out of loyalty to my team and the amount of work I had on. Naturally, my manager did not take my efforts into consideration at all. That’s in spite of the fact that I’d told him how badly I was struggling. That’s just the sad reality of modern workplaces, I guess.
I am now back on medication and hope to feel better soon.
Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms
Physical
- Aching muscles almost like the flu
- Nausea
- Stomach cramps
- Problems with balance
- Ringing sounds in your ears
- Sensations like electric shocks in your head
- Dizziness or a swimming head
- Weird dreams
Mental
- Depression
- Bursting into tears for no reason
- Anxiety
- Feelings of detachment, like you’re cut off from reality or the world
- Extreme tiredness
- Mood swings
- Thoughts of suicide
- Sleep issues
- Problems concentrating
If You Can Get Antidepressant Withdrawal Does That Mean They’re Addictive?
There are two different parts to this question. Antidepressants aren’t addictive like narcotics (heroin, cocaine, etc.) are in that your body doesn’t crave them, and you don’t need to have bigger and bigger doses to get the same effect.
However, as I learned, your body does get used to them and so can react badly for a while when you stop taking them.
Does That Mean You Can Never Stop Taking Antidepressants?
No, of course not 😃 I have come off antidepressants in the past and suffered no withdrawal symptoms whatsoever. It seems like Venlafaxine either just happened to affect me badly, or needs an even slower reduction of dosage to come off it, or both.
Every medication is different, and every person is different. Just because Venlafaxine affected me this way does not mean it would be the same with someone else.
If you’re thinking of stopping taking your antidepressants, ALWAYS consult your doctor first. Medical supervision is key. It’s also extremely helpful if you have a friend or loved one keeping an eye on you too.
As I found out, the symptoms of antidepressant withdrawal can be intense, and the doctor only sees you occasionally. It’s best to have someone who can let you know or let your doctor know if you urgently need help.
That’s all for today, folks. It’s been a pretty rough month, and I truly wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I hope my new medication will let me feel more normal soon. In the meantime, if you’ve experienced antidepressant withdrawal or think you might be now, please pop your thoughts into the comments.
One Last Thing
As I’m sure you’re sick of hearing, this blog is my passion project. I set it up to help people and let them know they’re not alone when they have mental health or body image issues. I do it because I love it, even when I’m ill, as I have been these last few weeks. However, it does take money, time and effort to run, so if you’d like to support what I do, you can buy me a coffee 🙂
