Hi Musers, welcome back to my three part series talking about the effect Christmas has on our mental health. Last time we talked about the stress of being around family. Today we’ll be talking about what you can do if you don’t have anyone to spend time with. It’s sadly not a surprise that rates of depression and suicide go up over Christmas. It’s a time that celebrates family and togetherness. You’re bombarded with images of a picture-perfect Christmas Day with a Christmas dinner straight out of a magazine. It can be lovely but it can also be hard for people who don’t have anyone or have recently lost someone. So let’s talk about loneliness at Christmas.

Take off the rose-tinted glasses!

Firstly, while I would never try to dismiss your feelings I’m going to take this chance to remind you that however fantastic other people’s Christmases look they aren’t. There is always stress over the cooking of the dinner. Arguments due to too much food and drink. Feeling obliged to see people you don’t https://www.meetup.com/enjoy being with because “it’s Christmas”. The idea is much more fun and pleasant than reality.

Plan your perfect day

If you are by yourself though and feel lonely or you worry about a loved one suffering from loneliness at Christmas what can you do? My first thought if I was alone is that I would try to make the day exactly as I wanted it. Christmas between families is always a balancing act. Everyone must have a certain thing included in their dinner. One wants to watch the Queen’s Speech and someone else wants to watch a Disney film. A few of you want to play games but others veto it. So if I were going to be alone I’d plan my perfect day. For me, I’d sleep late. Eat Christmas muffins for breakfast. Have prawn cocktail for lunch. I think I’d skip a full dinner and have something like a store-bought salmon Wellington. I’d watch whatever I fancied. Read a book I’ve been meaning to read. Maybe end the day with a relaxing bath. If you’re alone, try and make the day an event. It’s a day where you can completely indulge yourself, in fact, you’re encouraged to!  

This one isn’t as much of a possibility this year due to Covid restrictions but many pubs and restaurants do Christmas dinner. You could go out and enjoy a dinner made for you. There will always be other people you can chat tonight a pub. If you don’t want to go by yourself then check out meetup.com which is a site designed for people looking to make friends. There may already be meet-ups for Christmas in your area and if there isn’t – start one! You will not be the only person worrying about loneliness at Christmas. You’ll be helping them and yourself.

What if it’s not you?

If the person you’re worried about is a family member you can’t visit this year due to Covid then it is tricky. Here’s a few ideas about what you can do.

• Make sure you zoom or FaceTime them lots. You could put in a video call for present opening. Why not prop the tablet or laptop on the table and all have dinner together. You could even play a family board game.
• Is there any other family in their area? They may not usually spend Christmas together but you could ask them to help out and I’m sure they’ll be happy to.
• Do they have a friend who may also be alone they could spend the day with?
• If you can’t physically go in to see them are they near enough for you to drop a dinner over to them that they can heat up? Or are there any restaurants who are delivering dinners? You could order them one and be reassured they’ll still have their dinner.

I realise none of these suggestions is ideal but I think we can all agree it’s been a far from an ideal year! I’m still debating whether to have my Mum, Dad and brother over for dinner as I usually would at Christmas. It is within government guidelines but my Mum has a whole host of health conditions so I’m unsure about risking it. The best thing for me to do is to talk to them and see what they think. I encourage you to do the same. Communication is always key!

That’s all for today, my Musers. I’ll be back on Sunday talking about having a mental illness over Christmas. Depression and anxiety are hard all year round but Christmas can be a nightmare. Till then, stay safe!