Hi Musers. I thought I’d considered pretty much every angle in my journey to body acceptance and self-love. I’ve embraced the idea that all bodies are beautiful and diversity is wonderful. I’ve rejected diet culture forever. I understand the brainwashing perpetrated by the diet, beauty and fashion industries. Calling out fatphobia and standing up for equality has become a cause I’m passionate about.

I love posting photos of myself on Instagram now. For the first time, I enjoy buying new clothes; I don’t enjoy going shopping though because it’s hot and sweaty and it sucks! Sounds like I’ve left any thought of changing my body behind doesn’t it? I thought so too until my sister asked that question. That very innocuous-sounding question:

If I could pick or design my body would I make it thin?

You’d think it’d be an easy answer. “No of course not!” I’d exclaim. “I’m happy the way I am.” That’s not what I said though. I paused and, in a rare occurrence, I was lost for words. This question has as much impact on me as it would on a gay person being asked if they’d choose to be straight. Or a black person if they’d choose to be white. Or even a woman, particularly in middle-eastern countries, if she’d rather be a man.

The expectation is that we’d all say that we wouldn’t and we love ourselves the way we are. Isn’t that what self-love is about? In fact, being gay, or black, or fat makes us what we are. It’s a part of us. We wouldn’t be the people we are without it. This is true but can anyone can deny being a part of the majority is easier? Life becomes less of a struggle. Being white and straight is not quite the ticket to easy living that minorities might think it is but it is a life of privilege.

Thin Privilege

That was what stopped me in my tracks when Jayne asked me that question. Imagine the difference! All the shops that I could now buy clothes in. Not having complete strangers assume I’m lazy. Doctors not putting any medical problem I have down to my weight without any investigation. To go to a pub or restaurant or hairdresser and not worry if I’ll be able to fit comfortably into the seats. Being able to order any food or beverage or sweet treat I want without judgement. As I said, easier!

In case you were wondering I said no in the end. The question has been circling my mind ever since though. What I can promise is that if I did end up weighing less it wouldn’t stop me in my fight against Fatphobia. I do believe that all bodies deserve respect. I believe that medical bias endangers lives. All clothes shops should be size-inclusive. Cinema, restaurant, aeroplane and all other seats should be larger. Magazine, movies and tv shows should be front and centre, not just there as the token fat person or the comic relief.

What would you choose?

So that’s it Musers. Short but sweet this time. As ever though I’d love to open the floor to you. What would your answer to my sister’s question have been? Do you understand my hesitation? Think it’s a betrayal of my self-love and self-acceptance journey? Pop your thoughts in the comments or head over to my Contact Me page. See you soon!

Love C x