A Heartbreaking 3 Card Grief Spread For My Darling Sushi
My heading says it all. I am utterly heartbroken right now. I had no idea after my sister went home on Wednesday night that I was feeding one of my cats for the very last time. Not just any cat. Sushi. Our first cat. The OG. Our gateway kitty. She had lived with us for 12 years and her personality filled the room. Her loss is devastating and I want to remember her in this post and share who she was. Then, to round off and take even a baby step towards healing I am going to do a grief spread with my cat tarot deck.
How Sushi Came To Us
Sushi was rehomed to me, a friend of mine was unable to keep her and was sending desperate messages out on social media looking for a home. At the time I was living with my then boyfriend Mike and my sister who had moved in a few months earlier. We discussed it, and decided we wanted to take the plunge and get our first pet as a couple. Jayne was onboard too, so I called my landlord and got permission before contacting my friend and arranging everything. Sushi arrived that very night.
Initially, she was curious and very friendly. She like my sister’s bedroom the best and was pretty cuddly. This continued for a couple of weeks as she settled in and became part of the family. That’s when her personality emerged. Oooh she was a total diva and often a grumpy little madam. She’s like the girl at school who knows she’s so gorgeous people will let her away with anything. Her personality was so big it filled the room, far more than you’d expect from a smallish cat. We were her “hoomans”, her staff. Our only job was to make sure she was happy and that was not an easy feat to accomplish!
What Sushi Was
- Completely gorgeous
- She had soft, luxuriant fur
- Loving but strictly on her terms
- She had a dominant personality – she was the boss!
- Equal opportunities – she hated everyone equally and did not care that Saxon (RIP too) was old and had no eyes. If he came too close to her she wallop him in the face the same as she would with anyone else!
- An immense physical coward – all bark no bite so to speak
- A prolific hunter – sometimes two mice or more a night and once an adolescent crow. Crime of opportunity and it was still alive, but still
What Sushi Was Not
- Sweet
- Snuggly – unless she was cold or wanted something
- A fan of other cats, especially our poor Saxon
- Willing to suffer fools
- Happy with strangers picking her up.
Many kind messages I have received since her death say she is now over the rainbow bridge playing with other cats and chasing butterflies. Oh hell no! Sushi had her plans in place for a long time. She had the best suite in hell reserved and an intricate plan to overthrow Satan and rule in his place. I feel comfort in knowing her plans are likely well underway by now and Satan is probably already her bitch 😻
My Grief Spread
I found this grief spread on Pinterest and I felt it might be the right thing to begin to process my feelings. I have never experienced grief even close to what I have felt for Sushi. I grieved for Saxon and Zorro the other two kitties we lost but it wasn’t like this. Saxon departed on his own terms and was nearly 20. Zorro was still young and it was a tragedy but he had a heart condition and was having an operation to remove a cancerous tumour from his mouth. I was devastated but his loss was less of a surprise. Sushi’s death was like a knife to the heart.
I have had a little tarot related guidance already. I am a member of the Unicorn Fam, the membership of Lisa Papez’s YouTube channel. One of the perks is a monthly live reading from Lisa. I explained my loss and she told me that I need to feel my feelings, not let anyone tell me how to grieve and when I can, do something that absorbs me so I can have a little relief from the feelings of loss. It’s great advice and I’ll be interested to see how my own grief spread aligns with it.
The Deck
I decided to use my Cat Tarot. I don’t use it that often as initially I didn’t find it that easy to work with. Since Saxon passed away i have used it occasionally to check in on him and now I want to use it to find out about Sushi. Full disclosure, it’s a knock off. I feel very bad about this as i’ve made it my mission to only buy authentic decks and make sure the creators get the money they deserve. I got this deck very early in my tarot journey and I didn’t yet know that if the price of a deck seems to good to be true it probably is.
I admit I thought about disposing of the deck but I didn’t. I did learn my lesson though and do not use any other knock off decks. I have over 40 tarot and oracle decks and they’re all 100% original.
The Spread
What Needs To Be Processed – The Moon. All my deepest feelings. The Moon is about looking within at everything that’s buried. I need to dig through all my feelings about Sushi and her loss, once I’ve dealt with one there’ll be more underneath.
Action You Can Take For Healing – Ten of Wands. In this image the kitty has gathered all the treats and toys and is enjoying the spoils. I need to try to remember all the good times with Sushi and all the ways we gave her the best life.
How Will You Feel When You Start Moving On – Six of Wands. I’ll feel that my life is in a good place and that I am able to feel happy and in control again. Other people will notice too.
Message Of Comfort From Sushi To Help Me Heal – Page of Swords. This card is about new ideas and moving forward. I feel like Sushi is telling me to flip my thinking and remember she had a great life and lived it on her terms. I also don’t need to be afraid of moving on when the time is right.
TRIGGER WARNING – Talking About How She Died
I don’t want to talk about this but I feel I have to. When i woke up on Thursday morning, Sushi wasn’t there and didn’t come when I called her. This wast that unusual but my husband looked at the data for the AirTag we place on all our cats. She was a purple of streets away which was odd. He set off to find her and bring her home, we thought she might have gotten lost. He found her wrapped in a piece of fabric and placed in a box in a bin. I can’t imagine the pain and shock he felt and I feel awful he was alone at the time.
He brought her home. There was no obvious trauma but she was dirty and we think she was maybe run over. We appreciate the care the people who found her took but they did the wrong thing. If we hadn’t had that AirTag we would literally have never known what happened to our darling girl. That would have been torture. We would have been worried to death and it would never end.
So let me end this post with a plea. If you find a dead cat, or god forbid, you kill one yourself, please, PLEASE do not dispose of them. Take the poor kitty to a local vet. Cats are legally required to microchipped now in the UK so the vet will be able to scan it, find out who it belongs to and contact the owner. They will be as heartbroken as we were but at least they’ll have closure, they will know what happened to a beloved member of their family. Pease believe it will mean everything to them. Take care xx
