10 Struggles People With Depression Will Recognise
Hi Musers. I’ve made no secret on this blog of my problems with my mental health. Recently, I stopped taking one antidepressant because it stopped working. My next stopped me sleeping, and when I came off that, I experienced a month from hell due to antidepressant withdrawal. So, today I’m going to talk about struggles people with depression will recognise, but others may not.
My 10 Struggles People With Depression Will Recognise
1) People
I really struggle to be around other people when I’m depressed. They just seem like so much work. I feel like the weight of my sadness is crushing me and other peoples needs are extra rocks thrown on top. This applies regardless of their mood, which I know sounds weird!
If they’re happy, I wonder what is wrong with me and why can’t I just be happy, dammit!?! If they’re sad, I feel like I’m drowning in my own misery and can’t cope with theirs. Anxious people are problematic too. I generally suffer from anxiety and depression nowadays, and having an anxious person around me throws my anxiety into high gear.
I’m sure this sounds very high maintenance. You might be thinking, “so people need to have NO emotions around you? That’s a bit much to ask!” You’re right; it is. That’s why even though I feel lonely, I choose to be alone a lot when I can. This might sound like a strange paradox, but it’s definitely one of the struggles people with depression will recognise.
2) Mean Comments
After years of bullying at school, as well as feeling an utter failure for being fat, my self-esteem is not great at times. When I’m actually feeling happy, I can cope with these wobbles. However, when I’m depressed, any criticism at all plunges me into the depths of despair.
I wish it weren’t the case, but I haven’t found a single strategy to cope. If you have, well done! Also, tell me how, please 😃 Feeling this way is why I remind people to be kind in their comments. Disagree by all means, but please stop the attacks.
3) Think
No, I’m not kidding. I find it so difficult to think straight when I’m depressed. It feels like my brain is wrapped in cotton wool, and even simple arithmetic seems beyond me. It feels like my brain is playing hopscotch; it jumps from thought to thought to thought randomly, never stopping long enough to make sense of anything.
I also suffer from intrusive thoughts, like my family or one of my pets dying. It makes logical thinking extremely difficult. I would be interested if this is one of the struggles people with depression will recognise or not. Let me know in the comments.
4) Sleep
Sleeping goes one of two ways when I’m depressed. If my anxiety levels are high, then I struggle to sleep at night. My mind races, my heart pounds and when I get to sleep, I wake up constantly. I can sleep just fine through the day, for some reason, but as I generally still need to go to work, that doesn’t help.
If I’m not anxious, then I want to sleep all the time. I would guess I’d sleep up to about 18 hours a day if I could. It makes my chronic fatigue worse, and I’m like a zombie. Sleep issues, problems thinking and sensitivity mean comments cause major issues with…
5) Work
I’m sure this is not one of the struggles people with depression will recognise; everyone will understand. Working when feeling like you’re going to burst into tears any minute and struggling to think is not a picnic.
I tried to keep going to work during my antidepressant withdrawal, and it turned out to be a huge mistake. I was out on a performance improvement plan due to my attitude in a team chat. Then, when I actually did have to call in sick because I couldn’t make it more than a couple of hours without crying, I was given a warning for absence.
I’m not going to lie to you all; it’s been rough. Now I’m feeling a little better I’m trying to repair the damage, but it will take a little while. That’s why if I think I can’t cope, I will be going sick from now on.
6) Eat
Some people with depression find they can’t eat, but I am a massive comfort eater. I have been ever since I was a teenager. I eat a balanced diet most of the time, but in the middle of a depressive episode, I tend towards chocolate, ice cream, and takeaways. I know it’s not a good coping mechanism, but I find it impossible not to do it.
7) Exercise
If my depression isn’t too bad, I find that moderate exercise help. As I explained in the past, going for a walk with my favourite music playing does lift my mood. Sometimes though, depression drains and crushes me to the point where I barely have enough energy left to breathe. On those occasions, exercise seems as monumental a task as climbing Everest.
8) Money
It probably won’t surprise anyone that when I’m feeling very depressed, I’ll do anything to feel better. I feel tempted to buy gadgets. It might be a new games console, a game, new baking stuff, or DVDs. I’m in a reasonably good position financially, but I don’t have too much extra cash for unexpected spending.
If I don’t manage to resist, I have to work a bit harder when I feel better to clear the credit card.
9) Self-Care
It might sound crazy to anyone who has never been depressed, but simple tasks are too much when I feel truly awful. I normally manage to wash every other day, but I can go over a week without washing my hair. I don’t wear makeup or perfume, and a lot of the time, I don’t bother to get dressed. It isn’t laziness; it’s feeling completely hopeless and crushed.
10) Like Myself
As I explained earlier, self-esteem was an issue in the past. When depression strikes, I find it hard to think anything good at all about myself. I loathe myself for not being able to snap myself out of it, even though the rational part of me knows that’s impossible.
I feel useless because I lack the energy to help much with the housework, exercise, or smarten myself up.
I question why my husband even loves me and wants to be with me. I feel trapped in a whirlpool of negative thoughts. It’s unbelievably hard to deal with. All I can do is try to ride it out and cling to the thought that this too shall pass. During my withdrawal, there were times I wasn’t sure I’d make it. I’m still here, but this is definitely the biggest of my struggles people with depression will recognise.
Hang On
If you’ve taken anything from this post, I hope that it’s the fact that depression is an awful, life-destroying illness. If you’re suffering, please, please remember you will get better.
If you’re supporting someone with depression, I know that is its own type of hard. Try to be understanding and support your loved one or friend as much as you can but remember you need to look after yourself too.
Keep trying, folks; we’re all in this together.
Those are my struggles people with depression will recognise. What are yours? Let me know in the comments!
